Forgiveness

A never-ending struggle

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I have trouble with big forgiveness.

Forgiveness is essential for mental and emotional wellbeing. We know this, I know this. It’s a sentiment touted by everyone from Oprah to every psychologist ever. Forgiveness is not supposed to be about pardoning the offender, it’s about letting go of the hurt, the anger, the pain from the wrong done. It’s supposed to be freeing and healing, letting one move on in life.

And yet…

I struggle, mightily, with forgiveness. Like, a lot. Not for the little stuff, the everyday things that happen, but for the major events in my life.

If a driver cuts me off or is up on my back bumper, I may have some very choice things to say to them in the moment, but it’s usually forgotten by the time I arrive at my destination. Arby’s got my order wrong? Sure, I’m going to be cranky (especially if they added mayonnaise when I specifically said, “No mayo”, ugh.), but I’ll be back soon because… brisket. My kid is being a jerk? Yeah, I’m going to be pissed off and worried for his future, but we will eventually have a heart-to-heart and move on. These things are to be expected in life, little hiccups in the road that exercise my patience but are easy to forgive once they’re over.

The major, life-changing wrongs are different. I’ve actively tried to forgive those…