Anxiety Sucks

What nobody asks for.

Photo by Joice Kelly on Unsplash

This is going to be short.

I had an anxiety attack yesterday. I blamed it on not feeling well, which, truthfully, I did not feel well at all. I felt feverish, overwhelmed, and was barely holding back tears while “normal” office stressors finally got me to a breaking point.

I left to work from home, feeling infinitely better when I got there, away from the noise of the office, securely under a blanket with a giant mug of tea. I did get a lot of work done, including a two-hour Zoom meeting, once I was settled. Let me be clear, I really like my coworkers, but the environment in a windowless office 5 days a week and constant interruptions when I have deadlines, among other factors, can really stress me out.

I had another attack about two weeks ago. I have social anxiety, as well as regular anxiety, and our team went bowling. I really didn’t want to go, but also didn’t want to be seen as someone who wasn’t a team player. Again, my coworkers are awesome, but my workload and expected social contribution are on different scales. I went, but it was obvious that I was not okay. I didn’t bowl, but stood on the sideline, trying to not cry or look stupid while focusing on my breathing. Pretty sure it was noticeable.

I apologized to my boss and explained the next day. She was very understanding and accepting…